Us VS. Them

Sometimes it’s mums vs. not-mums, other times it’s us ladies over thirty vs. girls in their twenties… but then all of a sudden it can be us young, under 40 women vs. wise and older ladies… and how about the classic women vs. men…

Lately it’s our family vs. anybody disrespecting us…

Often I find myself thinking about ‘them’, the people that live an organised life… Have all their finances in order, always a clean and tidy house, even the garden is in mint condition… They drive new cars, go on holiday at least once a year and visit the hairdressers every month.
Or what about me vs. ‘those people’… the ones that follow the rules set out by society? The rules the ‘general’ public has accepted as the only set of rules available…Although I’ve noticed the basic rules vary a little bit when you travel to other countries, most of them remain the same.

Funny thing is, I want to live my life in harmony with as many people as possible. I want to get along with people, want to be liked, want to meet new people and add friends to my ‘friend-list’…The more the merrier is not just a saying for me…it is a way of life. People are always welcome in our house, we try to help wherever we can and I try not to pass judgement on anybody.
I don’t see other people as competition; I have no need to feel better or more accomplished.

But still there is that vs. feeling…

I guess it’s directly linked to not feeling part of it…whatever ‘it’ might be. I’ve never owned a house or a new car. I’ve never lived by the rules society set out for me. I’ve always done things others wouldn’t…
I’ve just never been the same as others… Not to be different, not to make a point (except when I was in my puberty of course) but just because my choices are genuinely different. I like other music than most, like other clothes, like other people, like a different life style… I guess most people could not live like I do. Not that I live this extravagant weird life…just because I choose differently.
I’ve never met anybody that chooses the same things as I do…

I guess I will always be the odd one….

Cool!

I do wonder....Am I really such a bad person?

The last couple of days were an emotional rollercoaster which left me wondering about me, who I am and how people view me, but also who my friends really are and if they are truly my friends...
It all comes down to; how easy it is for other people to 'cancel' you... I know I'm not always the easiest person to hang around with..
I speak my mind, also when you did not ask for it... Through the years I've learned how to be less blunt and more respectful of other people's feelings...
Well, I think I have...
I actually do not feel it is a bad thing that I'm honest...I don't feel I attack people or judge them...
I do call you out if I feel you're doing the opposite of what you said you would or if you bend the 'rules' because it works out better for you...well, I used to.. These days I more often choose to not say anything and just see it as a better picture of you...I choose my battles...only if it hurts me or affects my world, then I DO respond...
People have often said that I am harsh or hang on to things long...is that true?
Right now, I am seriously doubting myself and wondering if allegations made are true...and continuously end up feeling like I am not a bad person, I do not change my mind every week...my principles and values have been the same for years...I do not choose what I want if it means I have to bend my own 'rules'...I expect more of myself than others do... I can’t lie…and really do not want to either…
But I find myself in a position now where I can't speak my mind if something really bothers me or people will just put me by the side of the road like a piece of trash. Well…that's how it feels…
So, I either let things happen, feel bad or sad about it but still have friends...or I tell them what I think and have one less friend...
It would be easily said that those people just were not REAL friends... ok...but why do I meet so many of them then? Is it my choice of people (if so, I am seriously worried about EVERYBODY in my life right now) or is it me? Is it something I do? Am I really that bad person but I just don’t realise it?
Why are people this way?
What has made us so spineless? Gutless? Afraid to be a REAL person? And I'm talking about myself as well...I don't say (not anymore) most things I want to say...afraid of getting punished for it

So, am I the only one living in that world of self doubt and fear?

I've come to realize...

Stole this from (wild)rice who stole it from Andrea @ My Chihiuahua Bites. It's a MeMe, and I also figured it might give people slightly more insight into my mind.

I've come to realize that my body…
…is no longer the one secure thing I can count on. Besides the effect having a child has had on it, I also feel much older and have more small things ‘wrong’ with it…It takes me much longer to heal from things and I’m no longer capable of doing things I used to be good at…
I've come to realize that my job…
…is not nearly as creative as I would like it to be. I work from home; am the office manager for our own company but I need more challenges for my creative side.
I've come to realize that when I'm driving…
…I should be happier to even have a car and the ability to go anywhere I want to go. The car broke down, can’t get it to a garage and have to rely on others to fix it…but they’re all busy, working or not capable…Not having a car with New Zealand’s distances is TERRIBLE. I really feel trapped even though I have nothing specific to go to right now…
I've come to realize that I need…
…to find a way to enjoy my life more.
I always end up thinking about the things that need to be better or need to be fixed (see above, hahaha) so I’m always busy ‘fixing’ or thinking of ways to improve… But never have the means to do it right, or do it like other people seem to do…Hate that money often is THE thing that holds me/us back from achieving things. I might have to just accept that money is not something I will own a lot of in my life…
I've come to realize that I hate…
…it when people can only think of themselves and don’t even consider other people being in the world…let alone behind them in traffic or in a shop. I feel the world is getting more ‘me-me-me-me’ and I hate it. Really struggling to find my way in this without turning into the same selfish kind of person.
I've come to realize that if I'm drunk…
…that would disappoint a lot of people as it has in the past; people for some reason want you to get drunk as if THAT would make you more fun…
Drinking is not particularly interesting to me…it just does not do anything for me. I don’t change because of it, I don’t become funny, or happier… I’m still the same…so why drink? I don’t mind being the sober driver…I love watching other people getting stupid and making sure they all get home safe while doing that.
I've come to realize that money…
…is this weird force in my life…a force that holds me back… it always seems to be too far to reach. I always seem to have barely enough to pay the bills. Other people go on holiday, go out to dinner, buy new clothes and cars…I always wonder how they do it.
I’ve worked since I was 15…never been lazy…I just don’t get it…
I've come to realize that certain people…
…are just not worth my energy.
They will do whatever fits in their life at the time and forget about all they might have said yesterday or last week… Why waste all my thinking time on them instead of fun stuff? Easily thought…now DO it…
I've come to realize that I'll always remember…
…little details and forget about big things.
I might remember what clothes I was wearing during a certain event but will NOT remember your name…
I've come to realize that my sibling(s)…
…must be in a ‘different place’ in their lives.
I’ve reached out to them for the 3d time in 2 years and again; no response… I wonder what could make you not want contact with your sister. I sincerely do not know of anything significant happening between me and them…Besides me having (sporadic) contact with our dad… Still don’t get it…
I've come to realize that my mom…
… to me is the most manipulative and dishonest person I know. I wish it was different but unfortunately it is not. All I know is that the whole family (as far as I know, last I heard) feels they would hurt her feelings too much if they were in contact with me… What kind of person would promote lack of contact between siblings?
I've come to realize that my cell phone…
… is a thing I really have for emergencies or when I get lost (still don’t understand half of Auckland suburbs)…
I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning…
..it was WAY TOO EARLY…but what can you do? When you’re toddler decides it is time to get up, you get up…
I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep…
… I wish I could have talked to my husband more but he’s soooo tired from working so hard!! I love him even more for it ‘cause I realise he misses our son lots…
I've come to realize that right now I am thinking…
…how original or interesting my answers are to you…
I've come to realize that my dad…
…just does not have a clue what it means to be a dad…
Contact would be non-existing if I would not stay in touch…I wonder why he ever decided to have kids in the first place…
I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook…
.. I never know what to write in the status…feel I need to change it each day but it always ends up to be once a week
I've come to realize that today…
… the weather is great! Which in this case means it is raining and it has been all night. We’ve been experiencing a drought over here and being on tank water, we need the rain as our water supply!
I've come to realize that tonight…
…another week has ended.
Time is just getting away from me.
I've come to realize that tomorrow…
…is my husbands’ one free day of this week so I need to cut him some slack but I also really need the car fixed… priorities suck!
I've come to realize that I really want to win…
…Mummy of the decade award.
I find myself frustrated because I’m not completely who I think I should/can be and my life is not the way I want it to be completely… but I hope I can at least be a nice mom for Jimi and have a real and warm relationship with him when he is older.
I've come to realize that the person most likely to repost this…
…is somebody I do not know. I hope they will let me know though so I can read theirs too!
I've come to realize that life…
…does not seem to get easier but I am getting better at dodging foul balls and avoiding mishaps…
I've come to realize that this weekend…
… I really want to go out and do something nice!! I should just plan something…
I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset…
…is definitely Pearl Jam!! In general rock music does ‘it’ for me… Also love Pink and her amazing personality+talent.

I've come to realize that my friends…
…are very few. Especially moving to the other side of the world will show you who really are your friends, believe me!! It’s the people you don’t expect it from..that are the best friends
‘Real’ friends are in touch all the time as they are planning a holiday and will stay at your house, use your car-electricity and water, eat your food…etc. etc. Funny how there’s no contact after the holiday…
I've come to realize that this year…
… started really crappy with my mother-in-law passing away in nov ’09, one of my husband’s mates passing away and me miscarrying in January…
It’s been quiet since and I really feel that new things are about to happen… not really sure in what form but change is about…
I've come to realize that my husband…
… is such a loving man, he is my only real security in life and I firmly believe in him. Although not always as clear as he himself thinks he is; he is always himself. He is the messiest in his typical male way but also really tries to help out… Just wish he would not drop everything right where he stands and walk away…hahaha
I've come to realize that maybe I should…
… start to let go of things that bother me for a long time.
Just really do not know how and lack the tools right now. My husband said going to a counsellor would probably not really be helpful to me as I would already have considered anything they can come up with….lol
I've come to realize that I love…
… my life and the fact that I live in this beautiful country!! Although finances are tough I would not change it for the world!!
I've come to realize that I don’t understand…
…people in general.
I just don’t get how mean we are to each other, how selfish we can be, how wars are still a solution in some people’s mind, how being wealthy is more important than being happy, how appearance is more important than being real, how we humans think we can keep doing what we are doing and keep this planet alive.
I've come to realize that my past…
… is something that does not matter as much to me as it does to other.
I feel I have learned lots and would not have my husband and son without it. To me that has made it worth it.
I've come to realize that parties…
…are a rarity in my life these days.
Pretty hard to find a babysitter with no relatives willing or available on a regular bases… spontaneity is the thing I miss most with this.
I've come to realize that MY life…
…is a struggle with a few wonderful and amazing things that keep me going.

Michael Laws – my opinion in the third person

As a mayor he is supposed to be the objective one…the one that is the mediator between different parties.
He is the leader in a democratic state. Where opposites fight, he should be the one finding middle ground; finding a solution that all parties can live with.
He runs his town based on information provided by a few or just his own ideas and opinions. He does not research a lot, he finds the information that supports his claims and runs with it. He does not really care about the opinion ‘on the street’ or even the opinion of ‘the experts’. He certainly does not care about the people he abuses with his strong and often bias words. Whether it is small school children, the parents of a child that recently died or the local community expressing another opinion than his; he is just plain rude. He calls people that don’t agree with him stupid, naïve or dumb and refuses to respond to the arguments they make. He tries to find solutions to issues like crime and poverty…his solution is to offer money to guys with low income and bad illegal habits to get themselves castrated so they will not procreate…
He gets caught breaking the law himself and comes up with an excuse…the same excuse he would himself tear apart if it was not about him. How irresponsible the parents were in his mind for letting their son ride on a quad… there for he even said it was their fault and they were bad parents… yet, not having his own child in a seatbelt or child seat is a TOTALLY different matter to him. He finds it easy to bend his opinions and the rules to whatever suits him best at the time.
He is even given a stage to do it on as well. He has his own radio show and has no moral boundaries while expressing his opinions on the radio. Not only does he abuse his power as a radio host but he also ‘redefines’ the objectivity a major should have. More and more people seem to notice his bluntness and hypocrisy but nobody really wants to deal with it.
One might wonder why nothing is done about it. Why he is still in a position of power whilst insulting people and even expressing thoughts very similar to a Austrian man living in Germany in the 1930’s and ‘40s…The world knows what the results were when we did not pay enough attention to THAT man. But we are not responding to what is happening in New Zealand….
Is he getting what he wants? Is attention all he wants or is the power and fame he is gaining the true reason behind all this?
I wonder why these questions about him do not rise more often.


http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10642153
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10638955
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10638032
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10638254
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10605171
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10594961

While in love with this country...

Sitting on her balcony she wondered; what could be better than this?
To her, this was the life she signed up for. She moved to one of the most beautiful countries of the world together with her husband and son. In her country of birth she would never see a view like this and certainly not have a house like this.
Slowly but surely they were building a life for themselves; with the business slowly growing – she kept her fingers crossed it would grow faster soon – and their son growing into a cool kiwi bloke, nothing could really hold them back. Of course they had set backs, like anybody else, but in general they were doing fine. This country did not seize to amaze her with the beautiful landscapes, most extraordinary wildlife and amazing people. The sense of community and helpfulness she encountered was wonderful. Most of the people she met were real and welcomed her into their lives and families. How terrific people are when not polluted by living on top of each other, having to fight for every little thing in their lives and being ruled by the ‘importance’ of money….

She was very aware of the luck in her life, how easily she could be in a much less prosperous life.

Once and again, stories would surface…poverty, crime... it was a different life out here… To her it was almost like the country decided it needed a counterweight for all the beautiful things around… lots of people really struggled. Not to get ahead…no, just to pay the bills… She read about people not being able to buy shoes for their kids, or buy them food for lunch….. Kids that had to live on beans on toast and were lucky if they could have breakfast…one meal a day was all their parents could afford.
Where she came from this did not exist… in all honesty, compared to this, even the poor were rich. She wondered if she could ever REALLY understand the scale of things and if she could ever really understand why… Almost naturally and very cynically she wondered; why don’t they work? Are there no jobs? Why do they not create work? But she realised it could not be that easy… It would not be logical to think all those parents would rather live this way than be able to buy their kids all they deserve…
Where is the government, she wondered?
And what could she do? Try to be a better person and share the knowledge?….knowledge is power, she thought…share your wealth whenever you can and it will be passed on…she firmly believed in that. It was time to get more involved and become a better citizen…

As she was sure to learn more from this country than she could ever ‘teach’…she sat there and enjoyed her view.

NEW ZEALAND – the most amazing country she has ever seen.